My life is crazy, unpredictable, sad, happy, and all in all just a rollercoaster ride, but I would not change that for the world. I get tired, scared, and upset. I hate insurance companies, drug companies, and new doctors. However I also get refreshed, brave, and happy. I love my fiancé, playing with my dogs, my family, my friends, and the beach. I think that all the positives in my life outweigh those negatives. If I can just focus purely on the positives I will be okay. I have so many goals in my life and I am so lucky to have someone support and want my goals just as much as me. I am able to re-start school full time without having to worry about anything else. I want to be a Registered Dietitian for people that have MS, myself included. This illness or disease has driven me to want to help other people. So if that means that I have to take all the bad to get to the good, then so be it.
I have an appointment this Wednesday with a volunteer place to discuss nutrition with diabetes patients. I am super excited because:
a.) I can help people.
b.) I can finally start getting into my field.
So I mostly spend my days studying so that when I get there I know what the heck I am talking about. My ideal job would be something in the MS field. I want to teach people with MS that the food choices we stick in our mouths affect all aspects of our lives. Sure it would be easier to go to a fast food restaurant because the fatigue of this damn illness it just too much. There are other options we can choose so that when the fatigue comes in we can just simply heat something up; something healthy though.
I have been doing experiments on myself and I have been reading a lot. I have found that when I eat a balanced meal with hearty vegetables and proteins I actually feel better and set that fatigue into remission a little while longer. When I want to be “bad” and eat the fried bad but oh so good foods I really feel bad. I get tired and agitated. So keeping with that theme, I have really tried to get myself together; especially now that I start a new medication.
Yesterday was my first injection on Copaxone. The nice nurse came by to teach Mark and I how to give the new injections. She was so informative and taught about each location. She also talked about what could happen, what was normal, and what to expect. The needle is so small and I can’t even feel it go in. Maybe it was because I numbed myself icing to the point my leg turned red.
My first injection was so nerve racking. I set that autoject thing up and felt confident. I wanted to keep with the theme of my thigh, since that’s where my other injections were. Later, the nurse said that its one of the most painful sites. Thanks for telling me lol. I sat down in the chair pushed the autoinject thing on my leg and then it happened. I stalled. I couldn’t press the button. I was afraid of what was going to happen. I was afraid it would hurt. On a deeper level, I was mad that I had to change drugs. I was mad at MS. I was mad that Mark had to relearn something for me. So instead of me pressing the button, I cried. I had to ask Mark to do it. He seriously is my rock when I feel weak. He counted, just like he always does. Then all the worries and negative feelings went away. So it’s okay to freak out when doing something new. This “injecting” is not normal. So it’s okay to be afraid.
As for the injection, all I can say is it stung. I didn’t feel anything until like 2 minutes afterwards. It felt like a bee sting and my muscle felt tight. Before the nurse left the injection site was hot. The rest of my leg was frozen from the ice pack but that area was on fire. I guess this is normal. Later in the night my leg got a big welt and the front of my thigh turned red about the size of my whole hand. Of course I was scared because the welt was hard. Today it just went away and I ended up with just a hard dot. But during that time that I was freaking out I made Mark look things up to make sure it was normal, I read papers, and Mark turned to Youtube lol.
The nurse called today from Shared Solutions and she said it sounded like the nurse who visited last night set the setting wrong for the needle. She said it sound like we went too deep and that explains the reaction and muscle tightness. So we will be changing the needle settings and see it that works.
Since this is an everyday shot I get to try another location tonight. I think we will try my stomach. They said the injection site is better. So we will see. And I will try to do the button all by myself. Cue “I can wipe my own ass.” I will keep you all in the loop! Oh! And don’t forget to share the blog with others!
With Love,
Amber
No comments:
Post a Comment